How to put on a modern Nativity play

I normally don’t do this but this is my second blog in a week so you people are blessed! Which incidentally is what this bloggy is kinda about…

Rite, in England, most elementary schools put on a nativity play which shows the birth of Jesus and how it all happened. Our Drama club teacher told us to put on said Nativity play and my group decided to go for something a bit different from the traditional tale…
(The other group took the cop-out and pretended to be little kids putting on the play. Pathetic!)

Anna – The Virgin Mary
Livi – Mr God
Eliza – Mrs God
Orla – Dr Gabriel
Becky – TV Interviewer/Joseph
Kaya – Camera-woman/Wise Man

-A young girl with headphones in her ears sits in a doctor’s office listening to her iPod. A doctor walks in and starts talking to her-
Dr Gabriel: Mary, you’re pregnant.
Mary: No I’m not. *keeps listening to music and dances along*
Dr Gabriel: *forced smile* Yes you are, as the scans show.
Mary: No I’m not ‘cos I didn’t do ‘it’. *big hand gestures like a chav (gangster)*
Dr Gabriel: *laughs* But you must’ve done ‘it’.
Mary: Well I didn’t.
Dr Gabriel: Well you’re pregnant so you had to have! *Before Mary can reply, he storms off*

-In Heaven, a TV presenter stands in front of Mr and Mrs God and is about to interview them-
Interviewer: Right we are here, live, in Heaven! You cannot believe how much I had to pay the taxi driver! We are here with Mr and Mrs God.
Camera-woman: *Zooms in in Mr God who looks nervous*
Interviewer: So Mr God. Is it true that because of you, a 17-year-old girl is pregnant?
Mr God: Well, in a manner of speaking, I guess…
Interviewer: So you cheated on your wife?
Mr God: No, it’s not like that!
Interviewer: Mrs God? How do you feel about this?
Mrs God: Well I don’t know really. I mean, he already has a mistress so a pregnant girl was just the next step but MY GOD!
Mr God: *clears throat* Um, darling. Please don’t use my name in vain.
Mrs God: Sorry. But really he has a mistress, Persephone. And well, she’s a lovely girl, very nice, but sometimes I wonder what she’s getting herself into, poor girl.
Interviewer: *confused* Isn’t Persephone the wife of Hades?
Mr God: *winks* Not anymore!
Camera-woman: *looks at Interviewer kinda shocked*
Interviewer: Right, thank you Mr and Mrs God for speaking to us. Goodbye then!
-Interviewer and Camera-woman go back down to earth-

-In the hospital, Joseph (Mary’s boyfriend) and Mary sit and chat-
Mary: So, then, I went into Tesco’s for some carrots and he was like ‘uh’ and I was like ‘uh!’ and-
Joseph: Mary? Some wise dude is at the door.
Mary: Oh right, let him in.
Wise Man: Hello Mary. It’s me, your maths teacher, remember? You are quite behind being gone for, what, 9 months? You were meant to do your A levels but oh well.
Mary: Right.
Wise Man: So here’s your work that you’ve missed. It’s quite a lot and well, good luck popping that thing out. *leaves*
Joseph: Lovely man, he is.
Mary: Yea. So then he was like ‘nuh!’ and I went ‘huh!’ and-
Dr Gabriel: *rushes in and interrupts Mary* Right, so how are we doing?
Joseph: Excuse me? We were having a conversation!
Dr Gabriel: Well sorry Joseph but your girlfriend did something with someone and now she’s having a baby.
Mary: His name is JOE! Get it right!
Joseph: And besides, my girl is loyal to me. She didn’t do anything with anyone. Right babe?
Mary: Yea! I didn’t do ‘it’.
Dr Gabriel: *rolls eyes* Whatever.
-Mary gives birth-
Joseph: Oh looks it’s a boy! What shall we call him?
Mr and Mrs God: *whispering loudly in the background* JESUS! JESUS! CALL HIM JESUS!
Mary: *ponders for a bit* I think I’ll call him Jesus.
Joseph: Nice! Or JJ for short!
Mary: Yea!

And that concludes our play! I hope no one was offended. This is simply the creation of bored schoolgirls. And I think it’s just funny-tabby-tozy!

3 thoughts on “How to put on a modern Nativity play

  1. I first heard the story while driving a car, and almost lost concentration: I could not stop laughing!

  2. that is a very non-traditional interptertation!
    and I like it more than the traditional one.


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